EQ anyone?

Signs of High EQ

A person with High EQ:

  • Expresses his feelings clearly and directly with three word sentences beginning with "I feel..."
  • Does not diguise thoughts as feelings by the use of "I feel like...." and "I feel that...." sentences.
  • Is not afraid to express her feelings.
  • Is not dominated by negative emotions such as:
  Fear, Worry, Guilt, Shame, Embarrassment, Obligation, Disappointment, Hopelessness, Powerlessness,
Dependency, Victimization, Discouragement
  • Is able to read non-verbal communication.
  • Lets his feelings lead him to healthy choices and happiness.
  • Balances feelings with reason, logic, and reality.
  • Acts out of desire, not because of duty, guilt, force or obligation.
  • Is independent, self-reliant and morally autonomous.
  • Is intrinsically motivated.
  • Is not motivated by power, wealth, status, fame, or approval.
  • Is emotionally resilient.
  • Tends to feel optimistic, but is also realistic, and can feel pessimistic at times.
  • Does not internalize failure.
  • Is interested in other people's feelings.
  • Is comfortable talking about feelings.
  • Is not immobilized by fear or worry.
  • Is able to identify multiple concurrent feelings.

Signs of Low EQ

A person with Low EQ:

  • Doesn't take responsibilities for his feelings; but blames you or others for them.
  • Can't put together three word sentences starting with "I feel..."
  • Can't tell you why she feels the way she does, or can't do it without blaming someone else.
  • Attacks, blames, commands, criticizes, interrupts, invalidates, lectures, advises and judges you and others.
  • Tries to analyze you, for example when you express your feelings.
  • Often begins sentences with "I think you..."
  • Sends "you messages" disgused as "I feel messages" For example, "I feel like you ...."
  • Lays guilt trips on you.
  • Withholds information about or lies about his feelings. (Emotional dishonesty)
  • Exaggerates or minimizes her feelings.
  • Lets things build up, then they blow up, or react strongly to something relatively minor.
  • Lacks integrity and a sense of conscience.
  • Carries grudges; is unforgiving.
  • Doesnt tell you where you really stand with her.
  • Is uncomfortable to be around.
  • Acts out his feelings, rather than talking them out.
  • Plays games; is indirect or evasive.
  • Is insensitive to your feelings.
  • Has no empathy, no compassion.
  • Is rigid, inflexible; needs rules and structure to feel secure.
  • Is not emotionally available; offers little chance of emotional intimacy.
  • Does not consider your feelings before acting.
  • Does not consider their own future feelings before acting.
  • Is insecure and defensive and finds it hard to admit mistakes, express remorse, or apologize sincerely.
  • Avoids responsibility by saying things like: "What was I supposed to do? I had no choice!
  • Holds many distorted and self-destructive beliefs which cause persistent negative emotions
  • May be overly pessimistic; may invalidate others' joy.
  • Or may be overly optimistic, to the point of being unrealistic and invalidating of others' legitimate fears.
  • Frequently feels inadequate, disappointed, resentful, bitter or victimized.
  • Locks himself into courses of action against common sense, or jumps ship at the first sight of trouble.
  • Avoids connections with people and seeks substitute relationships with everything from pets and plants to imaginary beings.
  • Rigidly clings to his beliefs because he is too insecure to be open to new facts.
  • Can tell you the details of an event, and what they think about it, but can't tell you how she feels about it.
  • Uses his intellect to judge and criticize others without realizing he is feeling superior, judgmental, critical, and without awareness of how his actions impact others' feelings.
  • Is a poor listener. Interrupts. Invalidates. Misses the emotions being communicated. Focusses on "facts" rather than feelings.

Adapted from EQ for Everybody by Steve Hein, 1996,
The EQ Institute, http://eqi.org

--> i still think Im on the Low side.

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