I am talking to myself. Teaching my soul. Psalm 42

"It's someone ye'll never have heard of. Her name on earth was Sarah Smith and she lived at Golders Green."

"She seems to be ... well, a person of particular importance?"

"Aye. She is one of the great ones. Ye have heard that fame in this country and fame on Earth are two quite different things."

"..And who are all these young men and women on each side?"

"They are her sons and daughters."

"She must have had a very large family, Sir."

"Every young man or boy that met her became her son-even if it was only the boy that brought the meat to her back door. Every girl that met her was her daughter."

"Isn't that a bit hard on their own parents?" "No. There are those that steal other people's children. But her motherhood was of a different kind. Those on whom it fell went back to their natural parents loving them more. Few men looked on her without becoming, in a certain fashion, her lovers. But it was the kind of love that made them not less true, but truer, to their own wives."

Page 176-179, Captivating: Unveiling the mystery of a Woman's Soul

God is good, right? I am in awe how the Lord is pointing the path to me. And I love that God provides ample "light" from His Word to sustain me with each prayer-soaked step that I take.

I just came back from a sort of retreat from Ava's place in Bulacan. I stayed there for three days, and boy I am full. I think I gained a few kilos because her Mom fed me like there's no tomorrow. She even gave me a pretty dress that I'll wear on sunday and "Magenta" (Blue's cousin). But more importantly, I was refreshed by prolonged prayer, devotions and reflection times. We decided beforehand that I can't talk to her while we are there so I had all the time in the world to ponder about a lot of BIG things. I wrote lots of letters. I wrote prayers even. I journaled all I want till I was sleepy and tired from reading and writing. In between reflections and studying, I also took pictures of random things there. I wish I could go back sooner.

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MASTER

MISSION

MATE

I've learned about that concept when I was just barely a two-month-old Christian. It was my discipler who taught me this and it was only now that I've realized the significance of those three words in their proper order. In the Christian walk, mostly teenagers and single adults skip the mission part, and I am guilty of that mindset as well. We go about our walk with Christ consumed by thoughts about matters of the heart when we know for a fact that we are nowhere near ready to commit in an exclusive relationship, let alone be married. I am blessed to have had personal Biblical convictions, to have read IKDG and to have been mentored by Godly women and couples even in the arena of love.

Lord, I heard You. You gave me that verse three times already.

I know my priorities, and I must choose to prioritize my priorities.

I am weak, I am afraid, enable me to obey.

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Hebrews 11:17-19 (New International Version)

¹⁷By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, ¹⁸even though God had said to him, "It is through Isaac that your offspring^[a] will be reckoned.^[b] ¹⁹Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death.

Hebrews 12:1-6 (New Living Translation)

¹ Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. ² We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.^a] Because of the joy^b]awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. ³ Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people;^c] then you won’t become weary and give up. ⁴After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin.

⁵ And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children?^d]He said,

“My child,^[e] don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and don’t give up when he corrects you.
⁶ For the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”^f]

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Dearest Aboji,

"This day do I, with the utmost solemnity, surrender myself to thee. I renounce all former lords that have had dominion over me; and I consecrate to thee all that I am, and all that I have; the faculties of my mind, the members of my body, my worldly possessions, my time, and my influence over others; to be all used entirely for thy glory, and resolutely employed in obedience to thy commands, as long as thou continuest me in life; with an ardent desire and humble resolution to continue thine through all the endless ages of eternity; ever holding myself in an attentive posture to observe the first intimations of thy will, and ready to spring forward with zeal and joy to the immediate execution of it.
"To thy direction also I resign myself, and all I am and have, to be disposed of by thee in such a manner as thou shalt in thine infinite wisdom judge most subservient to the purposes of thy glory. To thee I leave the management of all events, and say without reserve, `Not my will, but thine be done,' rejoicing with a loyal heart in thine unlimited government, as what ought to be the delight of the whole rational creation.

PHILIP DODDRIDGE (26 June 1702 – 26 October 1751)

Yours,

Queen

involvement, vulnerability..

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
-Clive Staples Lewis, "Four Loves"

I was reminded of this quote this afternoon. I was thinking about Mutya, my precious cactus and the pain I felt when she died. Other people don't understand why I felt that way. They almost always think it's stupid. But as I was thinking about it, I realized that the pain I felt losing my Mutya is the same pain a mother may feel if she loses her child, its the same as losing your old pet dog over a senseless driving accident. The common link would be that we loved, Mutya, the child and the pet dog.


Lately, I have been crying a lot about petty things and big things. I was asking myself why I'm hurting this way. I wasn't like this last year. And then it struck me, the reason was because this is the time of my life wherein I am deliberately involved in the lives of other people.
I chose to love them and this decision placed me in a very risky and very vulnerable ground. It wasn't easy, in fact, is wasn't meant to be easy. Most of the time it's awkward and the decision is not one-time, it's a daily decision to love. Choosing to love will not guarantee the love of the people I'm choosing to love yet it's rewarding, worthwhile and most of all Biblical.

Today I Choose

I CHOOSE LOVE

No occasion justifies hatred; no injustice warrants bitterness,. I choose love. Today I will love God and what God loves.

I CHOOSE JOY

I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance. I will refuse the temptations to be cynical...the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problems as anything less than an opportunity to see God.

I CHOOSE PEACE

I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.

I CHOOSE PATIENCE

I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I'll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long. I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clinching my fist at new assignments. I will face them with joy and courage.

I CHOOSE KINDNESS

I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone. Kind to the rich, for they are afraid. And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.

I CHOOSE GOODNESS

I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one. I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse. I choose goodness

I CHOOSE FAITHFULNESS

Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My wife/hsuband will not question my love. And my children will never fear that their fathers will not come home.

I CHOOSE GENTLENESS

Nothing is won by force. I chhose to be gentle. If I rasie my voice may it be only in praise. If i clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.

I CHOOSE SELF-CONTROL

I am a spiritual being. After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot, rule the eternal. I choose self-control. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith. I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. if I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek his grace. And the, when this day is done. I will place my head on my pillow and rest...

-Max Lucado, "Grace for the moment"