swept the floor?

uh huh. yesterday.

Ask me anything

Prioritize the REAL priorities

Currently re-reading again(thrice, I think.):

"What's so Amazing about Grace"

"Captivating"

and

"The Relationship Principles of Jesus"

Currently listening to:

"Beautiful Soul" by Jessie McCartney,

"Still Standing" by Israel

and "Amazing Grace" by John Newton

Currently researching and studying:

difference and similarity of Soul and Spirit

Jesus' Relationships in the Gospels

Mark 12:28-31 (New International Version)
(The Greatest Commandment)
28One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"
29"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.[a] 30Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'[b] 31The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'[c]There is no commandment greater than these."

I don't have much time to write another entry..

Exercise I did this morning: Identify my PRESENT priorities

• What's the first thing you think about in the morning?
• What does you schedule tell you about your priorities
• As you look at your checkbook, what gets paid no matter what?
• What do you find yourself talking about most?
• What's the last thing you think about when your head hits the pillow at night?

The things that will last for eternity:

1. God
2. His Word
3. Souls of Men

God led me to focus my attention to the following things while I had my Quiet Time early this morning.

• Relationships-- my relationship with God and my relationships with people
• Souls
• His written Word

I commit myself to be used by You in ways that would glorify and magnify You. The legacy I want to leave my generation is this: that I might be seen as a dispenser of Your Grace and a channel of Your Divine Love. Those are the things You are known for, I pray the same for myself. Be blessed through my life, my conduct, my thoughts, my desires, my prayers, my being and most of all in my relationships. All the glory to You I lift up, In Jesus' name seal me and sanctify me through Your Word and Your Holy Ghost. Amen

Blessed to be a Blessing

Today is the day after the worship camp and I'm thrilled and challenged to cram three-days worth of reflections in a single entry. So let me warn you as early as now that this might be the longest post in my blog so far.

I had a hard time choosing a title for this post. I mean, how could I possible summarize those richly blessed days in a phrase. But hey, I just did. :)

Hmmm, so I went to Antipolo to learn and unlearn things about worship, worshipping and leading people to worship. As I expected, our camp was jam-packed with activities and sessions, eating and recreation and well, walks and talks in between it all.

We were privileged to have listened to Pastor Rommel Guevara, a famous Filipino Pastor/worship leader/ songwriter and I found his personality and our sessions with him the most enjoyable. He talked about what is worship, why worship, how to worship and some other things about worship that I don't remember at all. :) (I might be happily intoxicated during those times.) But what I learned about worship and being led to worship did not transpire inside the four corners of our air-conditioned hall, it happened outside under the grace-filled days and nights with lonesome souls.

Blessing #1: Grace aka "my little blessing"

I was out with her for breakfast the first day of the camp. As I was happily devouring my meal consisting of corned beef, sinangag and fried egg when I started to purposely ask her questions starting with the harmless "Kamusta ka?" which ended up with my food half-consumed and her sobbing her thank yous.

Queen: "Do you realize how beautiful your name is? I think that the reason why your parents named you Grace is because to them you are such a blessing."

Grace: *already crying* "Ate, you are the only person who told me that. Thank you."

While walking back to the campsite, I couldn't help but praise God, how he was there and how he used me --even if all I did was listen and be available -- to be a blessing to "my little blessing". Whatever it is we talked about the sacred morning, you just have to ask her. All I know is that "My little blessing" is a step closer to finding herself and be freed from all her insecurities.

Blessing #2: Kevin

I have been particularly interested in this kid since the first time I met him. His back-off and don't-mess-with-me-or-your-dead stare got my attention right away. I was wondering as to what's with all the rage in him and what's the real reason behind it. I was determined to find out. Our little unexpected date happened the first night of the camp. The sessions were over already and most of the people went swimming. I wanted to go with them but I had to nurse my aching left foot and I convinced myself that I already swam earlier that day so that should be enough. All the realizations the entire day was screaming inside my head which led me desperately to find an internet connection and a decent laptop, so I could videocall Ava, Ate Jiggy and Ate Nini through SKYPE. 30 minutes passed, no internet connection was found. Fortunately, the Lord had better plans. While I was struggling to find an internet connection, Kevin came to hang-out with me. Apparently, he was left all alone because all his roommates, and all the other boys went swimming. Poor kid had no choice left but to talk to me. So I grabbed the opportunity to ask him questions after questions aiming to know somehow how and why he became so enraged. An hour and half later in our conversation..

Queen: "Kevin, you know what, I can totally identify with you. I used to be so angry and all this when I was in college and I am so excited to know who you truly are beneath all this anger and hatred. I am excited to know the real you. I understand because I felt that way before. But I know better now, I know that all this anger, violence and hatred are something foreign. You are not an angry person---you are a person."

Kevin: "Ate, you are the only person who told me that. Most of the people I know or I don't know, judge me right away."

Queen: "May I pray for you this time?"

After praying for him I instantly saw tenderness in his eyes. I sensed he was more relaxed as opposed to his tensed and defensive body language when we started talking.

Queen: "It was nice to listen to you. But I have to go now and rest."

Kevin: "Can we continue talking Ate Queen?"

Queen: "I wish I could but let's do talk some other time ok? You can approach me if there's anything you want talk about, I am willing to listen."

What's so amazing about that conversation was how God sustained me because I needed to pee way before we talked and I lasted for a good hour and a half holding it all in. Haha. Seriously
though, I praised God how he intervened that night by messing the internet connection, He had a better plan for Kevin and me at that time. Your wisdom Oh Lord I cannot fathom. :)

Blessing #3: Key, my roommate

It was God's grace that Key and I spent the night alone in our room. All the rooms are to be shared by three people and we were missing a roommate, that's Ate Ali. So, another poor kid with no other choice but to accompany me. Haha. She went to the camp with another churchmate, so she basically knew no one else. I already met her earlier that day and our short interaction gave me the idea that she is an introvert. Ate pat and I was drawn to her haircut, the short haircut that she always wished she could pull off. Back in our room, I was befriending her and telling her the things I learned and my blessings that day when she poured out her heart to me. Mind you, her HEART was bared in front of my very eyes. I was startled and ashamed for her at that time as I was hearing her story.

Queen: "Aren't the things your sharing with me too personal? Aren't you ashamed to tell these things to a total stranger?"

Key: "Not at all. Because when I first saw you, I knew right away that you were trustworthy and I know that you are true to yourself. It amazes me that at your age, it seems that you have experienced a lot of things already. I wanna be like you Ate Queen."

And remember that I only met her earlier that day. Amazing! Before we part ways, she even left me with a far too precious gift --- a dried/pressed small rose that she picked in Japan when she studied there for High School, so that rose sat inside her Bible for 3 or 4 years, I think. :)

Three lonesome souls, ONE BLESSED DAY of learning about worship and leading people to worship. I am certain that it was the Spirit of God that enabled me to witness it all. All the questions and even the words was carefully provide by Him who is faithful. I am left speechless and in awe how God has been using my journey with Him to influence the people around me. AMAZING AMAZING GOD!

-------------------------------------------

I can live for two months on a good compliment. - Mark Twain

Because of my love language, I would like to take advantage of this opportunity to share the other conversations I had in the past weeks. Bear with me, peeps. Come and let's gnaw the affirmations I am loving from different people.

"You are such a kindred spirit Queenie."

"We can't do anything if you're really likable."

".. You are a cactus containing the Spirit of God as living water...and you've just been analogized ;) pero salamat yet again dahil God has used you and I cannot deny my life has been better having tangled with yours for a while. Where that leads me is still a matter of God's will. "

" I met her few months ago. She is an active leader of Campus Crusade for Christ. She is very remarkable [because]of her cute and curly hair. She also reminds me of Kyla. (with angelic voice and looks) Whenever I have problems, I know that she is always there to pray for me. I admire her passion and love for Christ. She is one of my inspirations when it comes in evangelizing people. I love to share the word of God but the fear of being rejected hinders me. I am praying that God will give me the courage that Ate Queen has so that I can bring back the glory to HIM. She is also the one who motivates me to make a blog. Through [my] blog, I can share what God has revealed to me during my quiet time. I can tell the world how great is our God. Thank God for giving Ate Queen to me and to my friends."

"..Your presence brightens my heart piece and the lack of it in the future will sadden me greatly..."

"Whenever we talk, I learn more about myself."

"You are my one and only Ate, no one can replace you."

"Thank you for continually discipling me, for rebuking me, for making me question myself. If not for you, I don't think I'll be thinking of such things. And I were not thinking of such things, I might not be relying solely on God's Power, I would not bring myself in prayer. You are a crucial part of my being and I don't have fancy words to describe how much I appreciate you. All I know is, I thank the heavens for giving me the perfect friend, who cared enough to know the real me. I want you to always remember.., that knowing you was one of the most important phase of my life because I knew more of myself, and loving myself in the process. When you made me look within me I liked what I saw. Two years ago that wasn't the case, and If I knew you then, I might have called you a lunatic and a retard. I look forward to spending my time with you in prayer like what happened [one] Saturday night. I am affirmed that you are the best person to be with during those moments when I painfully grasp for words yet you still understand me then all we can do is cry and laugh together...My prayer for you is that you would remain true to who you are because that is how God shares His love to others; through your heart, through your love...I love you Queenie Joy. You're still my Ming, my wonderful sister in faith. PS Sana.. "

Now I am all the more affirmed that I need not be afraid of being me. I'd rather be rejected for who I am than be loved for who I am not. To all those people I quoted, Sorry if I haven't asked permission beforehand. :)

I have never been as comfortable as I am right now in my own skin. I could not believe how beautiful God made me and how I am joyfully accepting myself at this point of my life.

I'll continue to know more about my God, and in the process of seeking Him I'll know more about myself. And as I continue to journey knowing myself, I'll help more people know more about themselves.

I conclude that I am blessed to be a blessing. I will not withdraw this gift. "I know I am filled to be emptied again, so the seeds I receive I will sow."

This is real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be, now
Gonna let the light, shine on me
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me


You're the voice I hear inside my head
The reason that I'm singing
I need to find you, I gotta find you
You're the missing piece I need
The song inside of me
I need to find you, I gotta find you

-Demi Lovato,"This is Me"

I am now
In a world where I have to
Hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am..

..There's a heart that must

Be free to fly

That burns with a need

To know the reason why

Why must we all conceal

What we think

How we feel

Must there be a secret me

I'm forced to hide?

I won't pretend that I'm

Someone else

For all time

-Christina Aguilera, "Reflection"

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Matthew 16:25-27 (New International Version)

²⁵For whoever wants to save his life^{a](in Greek: Soul or life)} will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. ²⁶What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?

1 Peter 3:3-5 (New International Version)

³Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.⁴Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.⁵For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.

page 188, "What's so Amazing about Grace"

one by one the passions awake, prowl around

and sniff at the object of their covetousness;



they are attacking the poor undecided soul from the back

and he is done for.



How often has he got to be hurled into the ditch,

to be stifled by the mud,

to grasp at the edges and arise to the light again,

to feel his hands give way

and return again to the darkness,

before he finally submits to the spiritual life -

the least understood law in the world and the one

that repels him most though without it he

cannot attain the grace of perserverance.



What is required,

is the renunciation of the ego.



People may laugh and scoff at you for being

unworthy of the title of free man

and for having to submit yourself to

a master...



but this enslavement,

is really a MIRACULOUS LIBERATION,

for even when you were free

you spent the whole time

forging chains for yourself,

putting them on,

riveting them tighter and tighter

each moment.



You have become imprisoned

more and more each day.

The man you submit to (self and society)

does not want you to be free.

He wants you to be a slave.



Francois Mauriac

Entire and Sweet renunciation. Absolute submission to Jesus Christ... [Blaise Pascal]

lovin my flaws

Time check. Its around 11:20am right now and already I am crying. Apparently, my tear ducts know nothing about time and dates or if it's to early or too late for a good outpour of tears.

I was just surfing the web and checking my online accounts when I came across this little site called LoveYourFlawz. I was browsing through the gallery when I started crying. I never knew that looking at a stranger's picture(the one below)

will make me cry. Happy tears they are, mind you. I am just amazed how God in His perfect wisdom made me. Can you believe that, HE MADE ME! I was the product of God's unbelievable imagination, ever fiber of my being were handcrafted by the Maker of the Universe. Max Lucado put it this way,

"What makes us special is not our body but the signature of God on our lives. We are his works of art. We are created in his image to do good deeds." - In the Grip of Grace

Its been 5 months since I unleashed my curls. I have an entire blog entry about that experience and now, I choose to focus writing about the battle that every feminine soul experience. It's a lifelong journey to find one's self and coming to the point of rejoicing in your personhood as God sees you.

Ok, so I never felt beautiful growing up. I was certain that I had MORE flaws than a typical person should have. I had tons of things that I hated about my self.

1. My crinkly, unruly, wild, outrageous and out-of-this-world curls.
2. My airport-sized forehead that could accommodate Airforce 1.
3. My chubby cheeks.
4. My BIG and oddly-shaped eyes.
5. My height(which is quite obvious. I'm a mere 5 foot)
6. My too small ears.

and the list goes on and on and on..

This dissecting thing became an everyday activity that I almost felt as if it was natural to feel or even choose to do it...repeatedly.

Looking different didn't help either. Everybody says that I don't look Filipino at all, and that fact alienated me from my people. I felt like being a foreigner in my own country. Walking along the streets of Manila, I get varied reaction from my fellowmen. Now, because I am a bit (OK, I am a lot) like Christopher Boone, I don't usually understand what exactly they are feeling seeing me but I can tell you that most of them laugh at me. I know that I don't have to care about what they say about me but I can't help feeling affected. On the lighter side, looking foreign has its perks. Be it, being served a larger portion of my food or salesladies and personnels being extra nice, I know that it isn't always a bad thing to look foreign.

My mindset changed when these verse reverberated inside my head while I was seeing the facial expression of a random person one afternoon:

John 15:18-20 (New International Version)

The World Hates the Disciples

¹⁸"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. ¹⁹If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you. ²⁰Remember the words I spoke to you: 'No servant is greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also.

and

Philippians 3:19-21 (New International Version)

¹⁹Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. ²⁰But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, ²¹who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

Sure, some of you might not refer to my experience as persecution yet what I understood that moment was unimaginably priceless.

For you to understand the gravity of that Eureka! moment, I'll elaborate a little.

So, since I started to go natural with my hair, it drew attention (a lot of them unwanted) to me. Most people try to guess what my real nationality is. I had been mistaken to be of random and unrelated races and nationality that I feel the need to enumerate every one of them. In random order here they are:

1. African-American
2. American
3. Punjabi/Punjaban(people of India)
4. Cherokee
5. Pakistani
6. Lebanese
7. Egyptian
8. Italian
9. Spanish
10. Jamaican
11. Russian(seriously?)
12. Cambodian
13. Thai
14. Indonesian
15. Chinese(this I don't know)
16. Filipino(only one person told me so, and he was the one who asked me if I have chinese blood)

So far, I have fifteen races under my belt. And by now you might have an idea about the weight of my realizations.

Back to regular programming.

It was my I-am-not-of-this-world moment. I was close to falling facedown to praise God when I realized how he intelligently made me. All this time, I believe, it was God's way of reminding me of the truth that I don't belong to this world. My people thinks I am foreign and the rest of the world thinks I am foreign as well, so where do I really fit in?

dear Aboji, I thank you that you are

reminding me daily that I am not of this world, that my citizenship is in Heaven.

I am grateful that I can experience firsthand what it means, to really feel what it really means.

I love you, and I belong to you wholly.

loving herself,

Queen <3

the cure

Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies

Philippians 4:6-9-The Message

the cure.

awestruck

around 2am.

God I am awestruck.